Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
