Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
