everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
