my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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