I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
