chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
