The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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