Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
