Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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