I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
