guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
