ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
