i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
