i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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