I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize