Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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