I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
