haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
