Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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