At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
