my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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