The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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