oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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