Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
