you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
