i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
