Do you still have your period?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
