Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
