please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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