Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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