Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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