Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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