East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
