what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
