I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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