forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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