i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
