I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
