dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
