I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
