I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
