I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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