oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
