4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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