why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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