There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
