You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
