WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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