Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
