Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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