I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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