my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
