She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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