Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
