I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
