My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
