Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
