I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
