I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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