I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
