Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
