the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize