I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
