i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
this hospital has no fireball
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
