i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
