who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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