nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize