I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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