Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
nutella sex= disaster
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize