So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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