My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
