what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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