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So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I didn't notice because vodka
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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