But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
