new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
