the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
